I was inside that tree...

... either trying to emerge or to get you to come inside with me. Or... I don't know... caption contest! Maybe something about blogging and "dead tree media."

But what if I don't want my car running on cheese?

From this year's State of the State Address by Wisconsin Governor Doyle:

Let me recognize another innovator who did more with what he had, who saw more than just a cheese processing plant at the crossroads of a small central Wisconsin town. This is someone who took the leftover ingredients of cheesemaking – whey permeate – and found a way to turn it into a renewable fuel. He then set up a local distribution network for his cheese-based ethanol. I am proud to introduce Joe Van Groll.

You know, in other places, they just eat cheese. But here we wear it on our heads when we watch football and now, thanks to Joe, Wisconsin is the state where we can even use it to drive our cars.

Just tell me where I have to go — how much gas I have to burn getting to a place where I can buy gasoline without the fucking ethanol that is screwing up my gas mileage? I don't want to drive with cheese! I don't want to drive on corn! Quit forcing me to put food in my car.

IN THE COMMENTS: Michael H wrote:

Using corn to manufacture ethanol has driven up the price of tortillas in many third world countries, especially Mexico.

Using whey to manufacture ethanol is driving up the price of infant formula. some of which includes whey protein as a primary ingredient.

How an earth is that a good thing?

Foolish, elitist American politicians believe that they can make the world a better place, without any understanding or concern for the consequences of their actions.

"He is totally bringing the male perm back. Though I’m not sure it was ever in, necessarily."

"Oh, yes, it was; my dad had a perm in the late '70s."

"Plato.... in one of his more exotic myths, imagined that 'the penis and the womb introduced the mindlessness and the beastly nature...'"

"'... of the appetitive part of the soul into human anatomy,' men having previously had neither a penis nor a woman to put a penis in, a state that is conducive (according to Plato) to natural bliss. The penis was to prove a tyrannical and recalcitrant beast, impervious to reason. (Augustine, eagerly picking up on Plato centuries later, thought an erection was the mark of Original Sin.) After all this, Aristotle's biological common sense — his view of the sexual drive as guarantee of natural procreation, with the penis a kind of spontaneous ideal slave — comes as welcome relief. Moralists, alas, preferred Plato."

Thought you'd like some hoity-toity philosophy to start the week.

Did you have a nice Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th combo weekend?

I never noticed the collision of the 2 dreaded days before. But I suppose it happens ever 7 years. Did I do the math wrong? I'm sticking with my theory. So, every 7 years we get the Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th combo weekend. Note every time this happens and only when this happens, Valentine's Day falls on Saturday. That Saturdayosity magnifies the romantic dimension of Valentine's Day, so it might be a good idea, when this 7th year rolls around, to lock all your doors, dish out a big bowl of Haagen Dazs...



...put "Wuthering Heights" in the DVD player...



... and curl up on the sofa in your Snuggie.



Because it's a risky place out there. For example, I was out driving, hundreds of miles from home on Friday the 13th, and I blithely made a right turn and drove a half a block before I saw the oncoming traffic in my lane. I quickly made another right turn at the corner, and immediately saw the police car lights in my rear view mirror. The cop — with his beautiful blue eyes — was very handsome — very heart-of-the-heartland handsome. I effused "I'm so sorry." He asked us where we were going. I didn't wisecrack, "the wrong way, apparently."

We said where we were going, and afterward, I wondered what the hell difference did it make where we were going? Nosy cop. Nosy handsome cop. Nosy adorable cop with brilliant blue eyes. I'm theorizing that he asked because the thing is to ask anything to get the driver talking so that words might be slurred, incoherence demonstrated, or alcohol smelled. It's not a speeding ticket he'd like to give me, it's a DUI. And maybe the whole point of making that street 1-way is to net drunk drivers. Why was the cop right there? I bet every 10 minutes, somebody goes the wrong way at that turn, each one a potential DUI, and that was a net that I slithered through. But maybe Mr. Handsome Blue-Eyed Cop let me off because he liked the place we said we were going. And I got lucky that way on Friday the 13th.

So, welcome to Monday. Welcome to the working week....



I told you people to be careful. I said: "If you're going to take any risks, I hope it's worth it for you." Did you take that risk? Did you make that wrong turn? And if you made the wrong turn did you get off easy and end up in the right place?

Why can't I buy gas without ethanol in it?

After getting 26 mpg for years with my Audi TT, I'm now stuck with 15 mpg or even less. Ugh!

AND: What if I don't want my car running on cheese?

Photo taken while lying on my back on damp moss.