Animals are jerks.

I've had that tag for a long time. Glad to see Buzzfeed has caught up.

"A minor war has broken out south of Qunfudah in the village of Kiad where large groups of hungry baboons from nearby valleys are attacking residences..."

"Hussein Al-Barakati, a resident of Kiad, said that he feared for his mother’s safety as she lives alone near the valley...."

Adel Medini, from the town of Helli, has his own take on the recent scourge of baboons: “It’s a daily game of hide and seek. The baboons are targeting empty houses and are well aware of what they are doing. The assault on the village is not random, as some believe. They proceed according to studied plans. That’s why their attacks do not fail. For example, imagine a resident who is absent from their home for a period of time. Even though it’s just one day, he is surprised to return to find his home in disarray. Some people in this situation thought that thieves had broken into and ransacked their houses … The problem is that the village’s houses are old and non-roofed, and our daily guest is hungry.”

Salem Al-Barakati said that the main reason that the baboons are difficult to stymie is because of their high intelligence. They easily match wits with those out to drive them away.

Via Walter Russell Mead:

It’s not just in Saudi Arabia that baboons see human beings as a prey animal. At the Cape of Good Hope in South Africa, there is a parking lot for tourists coming to see the beautiful wild landscape where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. Baboons lurk on the edge of the parking lot, watching tourists come and go. They look for car doors that aren’t locked, windows that are left opened, absent-minded tourists carrying food....

[T]he baboons in that parking lot... clearly felt only contempt for their squishy, soft, clawless and short toothed cousins. You could see it in their hard and glittering eyes.

They easily match wits....

Dolphins are snobs.

Don't let those phony "smiles" fool you.

"Readers can expect to learn more about some the world's craziest and nastiest animals."

"The animals in the book are all fabulously unusual in some way; my book sheds light on these creatures. Expect to be terrified of nature, yet in awe at the same time. And oh, laughs galore--apparently, my talent for wildlife narration has translated well to the printed page, love!"

"The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger" is so inherently YouTube that it's hard to figure out how Randall will work as a book. Do you read it out loud in that voice?

But think about how bookselling works these days. The book is a media event, an occasion for appearances on various radio and TV shows. Remember, book is also a verb. And who wouldn't want to book Randall? And therefore it makes commercial sense to publish Randall's book, even if all people really want is to watch hisYouTube videos.

"Tripoli Zoo: Libyan Lions Left Behind."

A HuffPo headline suggests the notion of a Rapture for animals.

If there were a Rapture for animals, which animals would be left behind? I'd say hummingbirds and butterflies. They are jerks.

And, sorry, I don't mean to seem unsympathetic to the zoo animals who are suffering in Libya. Who thinks of the zoo animals when there is a war? Here's a book: "The Incredible Wartime Rescue of the Baghdad Zoo."

And a truly cool novel about zoo animals at the mercy of a human-made disaster is "Life of Pi." It's not a war, but a ship wreck after a zoo in India is dismantled and some of the animals are packed on board en route to Canadian.

"It's not that we're against raccoons and skunks."

"We'll go through the proper channels now."

Just another gun rights issue here in Wisconsin.

There's also: "Walker says concealed carry bill should require training, permits."

"32 Pictures You Should Have Seen Before The World Was Supposed To End."

I'm for #30. Or 29. Oh, I don't know. Animals are cool, except when they're not.

Shrimp attack!

"Killer shrimp assault British shrimp, threaten ecosystem."

The Brit shrimps need to man up.

"The River of Crawling Death." "Red Tide of Death." "Mad Monkeys Manned the Life Boats." "Flying Rodents Ripped My Flesh." "Chewed to Bits by Giant Turtles."

Let's read vintage men's magazines.

I love the artwork!



And this one reminds me that Meade and I need to go out for a walk:

"How come every time alpacas feel like the energy is low at work they have to do the worm from Labyrinth?"

Alpaca:



The worm from "Labyrith":



"Listen, Alapaca, obscure references to 80s cult movies are no excuse for your fuzzy hair, your bushy tail, your fucking face. And why are you always smiling? Are you purposefully trying to make me love you?... [S]top pretending you don't have legs and get back to work." — Link.

Hummingbirds are jerks.

Somebody wanted to see hummingbirds. Was it Chip? Meade seems to think it was Chip. So here they are, and let me tell you, they are little bastards. They are tiny — for birds — but if they were bees, they'd be huge and horrible. Watch this video and you'll see, a hummingbird cares only for itself. If you could read their thoughts, translated into English, it would be: "Get the fuck out of my way. This is mine, all mine."

How do giraffes fight?

Do they whip each other with their long necks?



Yes!

#3 on Wired's "Top 10 Amazing Animal Videos." #1 is something I've blogged before and is the first thing I'd have thought of if you asked me what's the most amazing animal video I've ever seeen.