If, marrying, you decline to forsake all others, does that limit what your spouse is allowed to feel when you have an other?

Glenn Reynolds notes that Governor Sanford's wife says he insisted on taking the vow to be faithful out of their wedding ceremony:

Okay, I remember going to a wedding back in the ’70s where a couple read vows they’d written themselves, making clear that they weren’t sexually exclusive. And yet, not too many years later, she was royally unhappy with his philandering. Was that unfair?

I don't know the precise scope of the understanding that this couple had when they got married. It wasn't a vow to gladly accept your partner's outside relationships, was it? It was the absence — or rejection — of a vow. But why? Perhaps it was some hippie-style amorphous philosophical belief that one person can't really own the other or that no one at a given time can honestly say for sure where they will be for the rest of their lives.

Maybe, if he never agreed to that particular rule, there's some argument against saying that Mark Sanford cheated. But what can it mean to say that it's "unfair" for her to feel "unhappy"? You feel what you feel, and your actions based on that feeling might be unfair, but if he chose a marriage that did not bind him, why was she bound to anything? She had her feelings, and like him, she gets to go where her emotions lead.

"Sanford is in love. Palin is in pain. Sometimes what it seems to be is what it is."

Why not take people at their word... at least when their words are rambling, disjointed, and apparently against self-interest?

It's me and Michelle Goldberg, blabbing about the governors Palin and Sanford.

On the new Bloggingheads.

Special Sex and Palin Edition

Is Sarah Palin insane?
Examining her motivations
Edwards’s sex tape vs. Sanford’s Appalachian hike
Mark Sanford’s an adulterous flake. But he’s so romantic!
Is Palin the next Obama?
Analyzing why Michelle HATES Palin

"For God to really work in my life I shouldn’t be getting off so lightly. While it would be personally easier to exit stage left...."

A message from Mark Sanford about God and the governorship.

Jeez. This lightweight religion kills me! Couldya at least quote Jesus? Not Snagglepuss:



And, speaking of Mark Sanford, after I'd said this...

[Link, replacing embedded video.]

... it really hurt yesterday to hear Rush Limbaugh say this:

The latest from the chicks in the State-Run Media is, hey, wait a minute, you know, this guy loved her. This is not like Clinton. This is not like the Breck Girl.... So you've got the Breck Girl, you've got Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and they're all, "Yeah, I didn't love 'em. No way did I love them."....

But this chick, Jocelyn Noveck: "If you're a governor who's in the doghouse for marital infidelity, is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all? Granted, South Carolina's Gov. Mark Sanford may be too busy to wonder... but to some one of the most fascinating aspects of our --" No. It's fascinating to the chicks in the Drive-Bys. "One of the most fascinating aspects of our nation's latest ritual public apology from a straying politician is that Sanford, unlike many straying politicians before him --" spit, spit, "-- seems to really be in love with the object of the straying. Stephanie Coontz, a professor of family studies at Evergreen State College in Washington state --" how did they find her? Evergreen what? Evergreen State College? She said, "Yup, he's got it bad. There's enough out there to make you realize he just has a head-over-heels crush on this woman.

"Could the 'love factor' ultimately play a role in helping get this governor the forgiveness he seeks? To family therapist Elana Katz, the fact that Sanford displays passion, be it true love or mere infatuation, doesn't make his behavior more excusable or forgivable. But it might make it more explainable. "'All those things they say about love being blind - well, it's true, love changes us chemically,' says Katz, who counsels couples and families at New York's Ackerman Institute. 'People get into complicated situations.'" The whole thing is about it's a good thing he loved the woman, he loved her. The chickification of the news. It's on display all over....

Do you understand what's happened to the news? The chickification of the news. This guy's a Republican. Normally he would be roasted at the spit by now. He'd be politically finished. You've got women in the news propping him up because he loves the babe. I find that incredible and quite telling and, frankly, I find it a little interesting at the same time.

"The Republican Party will never revive itself until its sanctimonious pantheon — Sanford, Gingrich, Limbaugh, Palin, Ensign, Vitter..."

"... and hypocrites yet to be exposed — stop being two-faced."

Says Maureen Dowd.

True up to a point... but I don't really see either Limbaugh or Palin as sanctimonious. Dowd calls Sanford a "self-righteous, Bible-thumping prig." Maybe so. I haven't followed him much. But you can't say the same for Palin and Limbaugh. In particular, Limbaugh. I listen to him all the time, and I don't catch much if any religion coming out of him. He can get maudlin and religionistic in his patriotism — when he does one of his "American exceptionalism" riffs, but I can't remember him ever quoting the Bible or talking about Jesus or acting like he's purer than other people. But then, I think a good Christian ought to say we're all sinners and we all need forgiveness — and that we shouldn't make a show of our religion. Maybe Limbaugh is that kind of Christian, but I suspect he's not interested in religion at all, and he doesn't pretend to be.

Are you annoyed at the way the death of Michael Jackson has overshadowed the protests in Iran?

This may help.

IN THE COMMENTS: Titus says:

I am annoyed the way Michael Jackson's death overshadowed Mark Sanford.

I want more Mark Sanford.

I want more previous video clips of Mark Sanford moralizing and passing judgment on others. I want 24 hour Mark Sanford and I want it now....

I want to hear Mark Sanford bitching about not taking stimulus money but than using tax payer money to fuck in Argentina... with someone other than his wife.

"Socialized medicine redefines the relationship between the citizen and the state in all the wrong ways..."

"... and, if you cross that bridge, it's all but impossible to go back. So, if ever there were a season for GOP philanderers not to unpeel their bananas, this summer is it."

Mark Steyn opines on Gov. Sanford's unfortunate foray into Argentina and more.

"The biggest self of self is indeed self."

Language Log grapples with the language of Mark Sanford... and doesn't get too far.

They're grappling over at Crooked Timber too.

Any ideas?

"Using mind control techniques developed on his home planet, Obama has unleashed an army of seductresses..."

"... in order to eliminate the men who stand in the way of his reelection in 2012. Based on the timing of the Sanford and Ensign affairs, it appears he launched the offensive before the first primary of 2008. I know this seems like a far-fetched theory, but it will seem a lot more plausible should Huckabee or Pawlenty ever hold the confessional press conference."

"I have been unfaithful to my wife. I developed a relationship with what started as a dear dear friend from Argentina."

"It began very innocently, as I suspect these things do, in just a casual e-mail back and forth. But here, recently, over this last year, developed into something much more than that. And as a consequence, I hurt her. I hurt you all, I hurt my wife. I hurt my boys. I hurt friends like Tom Davis. I hurt a lot of different folks."

So says Gov. Sanford, who says he spent the last "five days of my life crying in Argentina."

I must say I'm thoroughly bored with these politicians and their sexual affairs, but at least Sanford was a bit weird — disappearing, getting the staff to lie, absconding to another hemisphere, crying....

Mr. Sanford is the third sitting governor to become the central figure in a major scandal in recent years. Gov. Eliot L. Spitzer, Democrat of New York, resigned a few days after his involvement with prostitutes was revealed in March 2008. Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich, Democrat of Illinois, clung to office for weeks after being accused by prosecutors of influence-peddling, including trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by President Barack Obama; he was impeached and removed from office by the state legislature on Jan. 29.

Scandal? What scandal? An extra-marital affair is not a scandal, not in the political sense anyway.

UPDATE: Gah! Emails:

I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details ...

Wouldn't want to go into sexual details. Imagine them published in the newspaper.

And John Kerry shoots off his moronic mouth:

"Too bad, if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin."

I love the way he thinks we might not be quick enough to pick up who the Governor of Alaska is. What an idiot!

IN THE COMMENTS: Pogo said:

Well, at least we can add "He went hiking on the Appalachian Trail" to the list of infidelity metaphors.

And crying in Argentina.

Randy said:

"Don't cry for me Appalachia! The truth is I never hiked you..."

-@burckart on Twitter
(via Freeman Hunt's twitter feed)

AND NOW: A word from the wife:

I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage.

Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him. I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

"We didn't know the Appalachian Trail went all the way down to Buenos Aires!"

What's with Gov. Sanford?