"I have a confession to make. I think I'm in friend-love with you."

"I don't want to date you or even make out with you. Because that would be weird. I just so desperately want for you to think that I am this super-awesome person because I think you are a super-awesome person."

An incredibly charming cartoon. Via Metafilter, where bitteroldman says: "Ha - boy did this resonate! For about 10 years now, my only socializing has been with my wife, her friends, her friends' spouses, and people at work."

While they're nice, I don't consider them friends - well my wife for sure, but not anyone else. I used to have a handful of friends in college and university, but then things fizzled out the way they do. The only friend I had out of school and work was this one guy, who then "left me" when he met his wife.

While I'm eternally grateful for my wife, i must admit it's been a difficult run, not having a "buddy" with whom I can go out and hang out with or do non-couple stuff with. No one to help move, or help me move; no one to help build their garden shed or help me build my deck. No one with whom I can flip a few burgers and nestle a cold beer (or Pinot Noir). And sometimes you just want to connect on a deeper level with someone who you're not intimately involved with.

It really brought me down in the past, but I'm dealing with it better now. That being said, from time to time, I do meet a person who might possess all of my friend qualifications - same interests as me, similar ethics and morals. So then I'll say to myself, 'maybe I'll ask him out for a beer...'

And honestly, it's like asking someone out on a date - the prepared speech, the sweaty palms, the collar-clutching, the stuttering, kicking he dirt, looking at the ground the whole time. If I do go out, I make sure I'm dressed up nice, check to see if my hair parts the way I like it. Pick out a nice place I'm sure he'd like, and then pray to Good God that we have things in common. I laugh heartily at his jokes, am sure to ask him about himself, and try not to talk about me too much. I try to appear fun and confident. After our "date", if things go well, I wait by the phone for a phone call (which never comes); if I don't feel that connection, well, I let the guy down easy if he wants something more.

It's so silly sometimes, the way I feel about this. And I know i'm not the only one going through this. I cry inside and sometimes outside when I see someone else going through the same emotions as me. YOUR"RE NOT ALONE - I FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YOU! I want to say. But I don't. Because they'd probably be humiliated if they knew that I knew how they felt. But I watch and I see and I know. And I would cheer for them if it worked out for them. But it usually never does.

That need for a connection. That need for a bond. That cursed thing that unites us all and at the same time keeps us apart.

It's been so long. I forgot what a friend is supposed to do or supposed to be.