The Unacceptable Tomato.

Don't put that thing on that thing on the plate!

This was served in New York City. So you New Yorkers, if you find yourself out in Middle America at some roadside diner or suburban strip mall, don't be saying that they'd never serve that in New York City. They serve crap like this in New York City all the time. Even in places like DUMBO where people have plenty of money and show off their good taste.

That tomato is saying Screw you! We don't care and we don't mind making it obvious! You don't have to look any closer. You don't have to detect that the red onion is dried out, that the roasted potato is shriveled, that the poached egg is nearly hard cooked, and that part of the egg looks exactly like a thick piece of cotton string.

I won't mention that the "live jazz" they were playing was an overmiked crooner singing America's Most Loved Pop Songs — "My Girl," "What a Wonderful World," etc. — while a football game played right next to him with the sound on. At one point it sounded like bobby soxers squealing over Frank Sinatra, but the squealing came from cheerleaders at the football game and "Frank" was having a bad day.