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Tuesday, May 3, 2005

"Very good, other than that the performance was a little robotic."

"American Idol." All the life ... all the love is gone. Only robots are left. Robots and earnest, nice, nice young people. That's what we've got. Yes, maybe there is some charge of masculine power in the nearly-thirty body of Bo. But, basically, this is nothingness. This is the worst season of "American Idol." Let me list the offenses in order.

1. Vonzell, on the second song, where she was allowed to sing anything currently on the charts, sang a song by the "American Idols" that happens to be charting, that we've heard done as a group sing, and that is -- most importantly -- a piece of crap. "Every time you touch me, I become a hero." It should be a crime to write lyrics like that. Vonzell is wearing a horrible brown dress and shrieking. And she seems to think that by blowing kisses and doing big, dimpled smiles that she can keep us in her camp. But no! No! Not acceptable!!

2. Carrie, singing Elvis's “Trouble”: “I’m eeeeeviiilllll." She’s not evil! That's her first song, where the theme is Leiber and Stoller. Later, she does some other song, some charting song, that elicits the quote I've used for the title to this post. Carrie exemplifies Season Four -- The Revenge of the Robots. The camera -- meaning to show us youthful beauty -- closes in on her spark-free eyes.

3. The general mass of featureless chaotic crooning and bellowing. I have individual notes on all the singers, but nothing worth posting. It was awful. Maybe Bo stood out a bit. "Stand By Me" is a nice enough song. But, no, I've got nothing useful to say.

4. Randy and Paula: Did you say anything worthwhile? Only Simon has any shred of honesty left. "Insipid, amateurish perfomance" -- he said that about one of the contestants, but really it could be a summary of the whole sorry series.

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