Why stop with Boltage? I recommend Voltage!

Citizen Dave (formerly Madison's Mayor Dave) thinks children could be helped with their "incredible... obesity" if the government would fit them with a product called Boltage:

Boltage is... a chip that can go in a kid's backpack or helmet. When the child crosses in front of a reader at school it sends a message to mom or dad letting them know that their kid has arrived safely. But the system also works as an exercise incentive by keeping track of how much kids walk and bike, letting them know exactly how much they've helped the planet by reducing CO2, and giving them small rewards and recognitions along the way. 

... We could get it started here at a school in Madison for as little as about $5,000. 

Why not new Boltage with Voltage? An electric shock when the little plumpsters slow down or stop for too long. That'd give them some incentive to run around.

ADDED: You know, Boltage is not a joke. It's a real product. This is not satire:

So what's with the flying bunny?



In order to win the hearts and minds of kids, we need to connect with them. We developed "Boltage" brand to make the program cool for kids, and compete with the sophisticated marketing and media that fill our kids lives these days.

Boltage is the leader of the League of Incredible Thunder Bunnies. Boltage was born when a strange purple lightning bolt struck the north pole at midnight during a full eclipse of the moon. New Thunder Bunnies are born every time a lightning bolt strikes at exactly midnight. No one knows how many Thunder Bunnies exist - some say there are thousands - but they are only visible to kids.

Their mission is to save the planet from the evils of being lazy. The League of Incredible Thunder Bunnies have agreed to accept kids into their ranks - but only if they prove themselves worthy by walking and biking to school. Kids can attain higher rank in the League by progressing through the Zap Levels - each representing greater numbers of kid powered trips to school.

Kids who are Members of the League can be identified by the Mark of the Thunder Bunny. It can be found on t-shirts, tattoos, stickers and other kid stuff. Displaying the Mark is an honor that can only be earned - everyone is welcome to join, but only the most dedicated can rise to the highest Zap Levels.

Blech. Now I have to add my "religion substitutes" tag. Why can't they just teach science?

IN THE COMMENTS: Smilin' Jack said:

All time zones intersect at the north pole, so there is no such thing as "midnight" there. But these days I suppose kids are so busy learning about global warming they don't have time to learn what the word "globe" means.