"We reserve the right to exercise any and all options available to us."

Writes Douglas J. Band, who identifies himself as "Counselor to President Clinton," to Nino Selimaj, the owner of an Italian restaurant that has a photograph of Chelsea Clinton hanging on the wall. Apparently, Chelsea posed for the photo with Selimaj when she ate as his restaurant. If you pose with someone for a photograph, don't they get to hang the photo on their wall? And if you decide you don't like it and want it taken down, shouldn't you ask nicely?

"We reserve the right to exercise any and all options available to us." What kind of crap is that? It's a legalistic-sounding garble of words intended to intimidate but also to leave room to deny that that it's a threat. Is Band even a lawyer? He writes on Clinton's letterhead, not law firm stationery. He doesn't put "Esq." after his name. And "counselor" -- it can be a lawyer, but isn't necessarily.

Parse the sentence: "We reserve the right to exercise any and all options available to us." What sense does it make? Whatever "options" are "available," if they are available, they are available. What "right" are you "reserv[ing]"? If it's an option it can be "exercise[d]." So, "We reserve the right to exercise any and all options available to us" means absolutely nothing more than "we might have some options." Which means nothing. And doesn't sound threatening at all. Obviously, you want the reader to think you're saying we have options and we intend to exercise them if you don't comply. But you haven't said that.

Nino, I'm not your lawyer. I'm just a law and politics blogger. But I say leave the photograph up. Clinton won't come after you over this. He'll look like a complete jerk.

I mean, he already does.

ADDED: I continue my tirade here.