A post about handshakes.

Letitia Baldrige, the fabulous etiquette writer, sends a letter to the NYT editor about the recommendation that the "elbow bump" replace the handshake. We all know what people do with their hands and thus that handshakes spread disease. Worries about the avian flu might give us the incentive we need to abandon the old custom of handshaking. But do we need to switch to bumping elbows? Baldrige has the right answer: "simply look the other person in the eye, smile and give a quick nod while saying, 'Nice to see you.'"

Let's do an Amazon "search inside this book" for "handshake" in Baldrige's latest etiquette book: here. Three hits:

1. Ooh, that first hit is to what a "well-mannered child" needs to do. It's very impressive. It would be so cool if kids did all those things. Or would you think the kids were robotic or Eddie Haskell-ish? Actually, I think Eddie Haskell made a very deep impression on the Boomer generation and led to the widespread abandonment of etiquette demands on kids. We're deeply suspicious of a kid who's follows a lot of formal conventions, aren't we? And as for shaking hands with a young child... that's a terrible idea! Kids are most likely to be spreading germs, but, of course, an adult has to be super-nice to any child. You're going to have to shake that little hand.

2. At Hit Two, she's recommending lots of handshaking in the office. "Use a firm, practiced, but not bone-crushing handshake." Aw, can't we just look people in the eye and nod, as you said in that letter? How many of these people have colds and have rubbed their noses with their right hand since that last time they washed up? Anyway, I approve of avoidin gthose crushing handshakes. What's wrong with men that they can even think that would be a good way to shake hands with a woman?

3. Hey, the third hit has a Supreme Court Justice in it! I hit a lawprofblogger jackpot here. Baldrige describes meeting a Justice. She doesn't say which one, but he was the father of her friend, and she was a popcorn-eating college student. She shakes hands with the old jurist, who proceeds to make a big deal out of grimacing and wiping his hand off with his handkerchief. In the anecdote, she makes herself seem rude (for having buttery hands) and him seem cutely, comically crusty. But in fact, if someone shakes your hand and gets something on you, you need to act as though nothing happened and discreetly find an opportunity to wash your hands. Hey, if you thought that person was too sleazy to shake hands with, you should have withheld your hand. Don't be embarrassing them afterwards. I think Baldrige is a little to impressed with this man because he's a Supreme Court Justice. That can't be good etiquette. Equal justice under the law of etiquette, I say (even as I assume Baldridge is right about everything).

By the way, someone just came to the door, and I shook hands and did not wash my hands. So, really, I'm not in the vanguard of handshake abandonment in the real world.