"American Idol" -- the results.

Mercifully, they're going through the results in a mere half hour. Ryan introduces the judges, and I notice how Simon always turns his head to the side and resists looking at Ryan. Now we see Ryan Seacrest getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. For real? I guess it just doesn't mean a damn thing anymore. Now there's a Seacrest tribute montage, including sexual innuendo with a flamingo. Flamingo innuedo. And now, a tribute to some dreadful songwriter as a lead-in to a group song. It's a crap song, but they actually sing it with some appeal. Anwar seems cooler singing while playing a keyboard, and Carrie's more tolerable playing guitar. Bo's playing guitar too. Vonzell's doomed to partnering with Scott, but they both do a nice job. And Constantine and Anthony get paired, because there aren't enough women to go around, and they do just fine too. It's for charity -- the Red Cross -- so good luck to them. Still: the song is garbage.

The commercials end with the Ford commercial starring the "Idols." It's a really cool 50s commercial that has animated a filmed routine into a cartoon somehow. They all have big heads and tiny bodies. Even Scott. Very cute! Everyone's hair is greased up into a 50s do, which makes it hard to recognize Constantine and Bo, remade into Elvis-y toons.

The results will be revealed by bringing everyone on stage into one of two groups and then saying which is the bottom group. We saw this last season in the shocking results show where the three black female singers were grouped and, to our amazement, told they were the bottom. (One of them, Fantasia, went on to win the contest.) So I'm expecting that the group that looks safe will be the bottom, but I can't see how that can happen with these contestants, since clearly Bo and Constantine will not be in the bottom group. Vonzell too. Vonzell goes to the left, Anthony to the right. The right must be bad. Anwar joins Anthony. Okay, then there is no question. Right is bad. Constantine joins Vonzell. What scintilla of suspense can there be? Carrie goes to the left. Scott goes to the right. What about Bo? The groups are even. So he's just told he's safe and then he's asked to join the group he thinks is the top. He goes to the middle. He's not playing games. Why should he take orders?

After the break, we're told what we already know. The Scott, Anthony, Anwar group is at risk. And the loser, as I, and many others, predicted, is Anwar.