"It's most likely an industrial-type diamond, not gem quality."

If you scorn the merchandise enough, can you get out of the felony range... if you're Lindsay Lohan?

ADDED: You know who I feel sorry for? Jewelers. Here is is, 2 days before Valentine's Day, and you know they're hoping guys will run in and pay $950 and up for something that looks like the sort of thing that might make a woman feel that he didn't fuck up. And just at that moment, the clueless males of this world are getting an insider's tip: The junk in those stores isn't worth anywhere near what you see on the price tags. Diamonds? You Valentine's Day chumps need to know there are mere industrial-type diamonds, and you have no idea what you're buying, do you?

Here, buy a diamond necklace — see how cheap they are?