The actor and the concierge.

I saw Russell Crowe on Letterman last night. He was squirming and twitching his way through an apology:

Crowe told Dave he was frustrated with the hotel's poor phone service because he was ``trying to fill my basic obligations to my wife who needs to know that I'm, you know, at home, I'm in bed, I haven't had too much to drink and that, primely important, that I'm alone.''

I'm assuming you follow the celebrity news. If not: Russell Crowe threw a telephone at a concierge named Nestor Estrada. The concierge, who was hit in the face, received minor lacerations and a glisteningly perfect cause of action.

Estrada's not talking to the press. My theory is that he's staying out of the public eye because he's really happy. Wouldn't you be, at this point?

Anyway, Letterman has always had a telephone on his desk, so he had the chance to do some funny business moving the phone far away from Crowe. Crowe obviously knows he's in trouble, and he's trying to salvage his life. So he grovelled like mad on camera for us. It was icky.

Unlike Nestor Estrada, who may be staying off camera because he needs to worry that he can't act duly sad and wounded, Crowe is a very capable actor, so however Crowe acted on Letterman last night is how he, along with his lawyers, has figured out it's best for him to act. Tell the story of how it's all about your deep devotion to your wife.