"I'm desperate to go back to normal. I'm downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D."

The ever-changing definition of "normal."

Though it's been more than nine months since she went under the knife, [Heidi] Montag says she is still in severe pain and her body has not acclimated to the over-the-top breast augmentation.

"I have major anxiety about it," she confides. "I was taking painkillers but they weren't working, so I stopped. It hurt either way," 

In addition to the physical pain, the busty blond reality star's new assets have prevented her from properly hugging her four dogs or wearing anything that isn't a custom-made design.

"I'm obsessed with fitness but it's impossible to work out with these boobs," Montag says. "It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life." 

Yet, on the plus side, there is all the publicity and reality show material entailed in this "realization" and subsequent additional surgery — and surgery is her only real basis for fame.

With the passing of her confidant Dr. Ryan, Montag fears that she will be stuck living in her cartoon-like figure forever.

"I feel trapped in my own body," she confesses. "There's just no fixing it. Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything."

Because how could another doctor ever locate those implants?

... Montag was quick to squash the rumors....

Oh! The imagery!

Find a doctor to (find and) remove your implants, and find the decency to remove your "downgraded" self from the public stage.