"Don't Speak English, Parlez Globish," says Jean-Paul Nerriere.

"Globish has only 1,500 words and users must avoid humour, metaphor, abbreviation and anything else that can cause cross-cultural confusion. They must speak slowly and in short sentences. Funnily enough, he holds up the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat as an excellent exponent. Many in France consider Monsieur Nerriere a traitor for promoting the dreaded Anglais, but he insists he is not. He says the French have to recognise that the language war is lost. 'We're just urinating on the ashes of the fire,' he says. We should look on Globish not as a triumphant cultural vehicle for les Anglo-Saxons, but as a tool, he says..."

Oh, just surrender.