The short answer about what to wear for spring. Here’s a nice set of essays in Black Table, all written by women on the subject of what men should wear for spring. The short answer is: no shorts.

And let me add: that goes double for the mailman. Could the Postal Service please ban shorts, at least unless the temperature is going to be in the 80s? I’m living in Wisconsin. There are maybe three months of the year when it is hot enough that there is a real comfort issue justifying the wearing of shorts. But the temperature goes into the 40s and guys start wearing shorts around here. Perhaps there's a belief that exposing oneself to cold is a demonstration of manliness. But the trouble is: shorts are children's clothes. There might be some sports exceptions there, but who is the best dressed man in sports? I mean, while playing. Clearly: Tiger Woods. Have you ever seen him in shorts?

Here are some choice words from Jessica Pressler’s Black Table essay:

Shorts.

Just say it: Shorts. The word itself is ugly. The lazy shh, the fat, gaseous "ort".

Shorts, of all kinds, are very, very wrong. They are unfortunate with hairy, knobbily legs shooting out of them, boring when covering the tiny bum of a skaterboader or indie rocker, and disturbing when pressed against a wide, flat ass. Most of all, of course, they are tragic when revealing ...

In a word: Shorts are pants, emasculated. Emasculating.

A woman who doesn't consider herself shallow may even find herself in the throes of SRS (Sudden Revulsion Syndrome) as the seasons change….